Bathroom Attendants

Have you ever walked into the bathroom only to find some random person starring at you? They aren't in there to use the facilities, they are just there to help you with your every bathroom need. Can't squeeze that deuce out? They can help push. Burn a little when you pee? They will hold you when you cry.

But seriously, isn't this one of the most awkward jobs you could have? I get working at a busy night club where you were constantly handing people paper towels and trying to get them to tip you, but what about the restaurants and slower clubs? You would just stand there, listening to that one person peeing or taking a dump. What would go through your head? Maybe "Gosh, I hope they tip me" or "Man, that person must have had tacos before they came in here."

One time I walked into a restroom to find a creepy old woman standing there staring at me. I was almost to scared to pee, but then I did drink a two glasses of water. She watched me walk into the stall, and her eyes were on me the minute I emerged. As soon as I started washing my hands, she was there with a towel. I reluctantly took it, thinking "oh great, now I have to tip this woman for listening to me pee AND doing something I would have gladly done myself." I look over at her tip jar, it was empty and I felt really bad so I tipped her a dollar. As I turned and opened the bathroom door, I looked back to see her taking the dollar out of the jar and sticking it in her pocket. SCAMMED.

Bad Timing

Not long after my usual morning coffee, I had to (let's just get the word out there) poop. I headed into the restroom, and standing right at the sink is a woman doing her makeup. Not just a touch-up, but full on make up. She had her bag out on the counter with various containers and brushes out. This woman was clearly not going anywhere for a while and it was too late to turn back now as she had already seen me.

I went into the stall farthest from her, in hopes to quickly relieve myself and continue on with my day. But as I got in there and sat down, it suddenly got very quiet. All I could hear was the sound of her plastic makeup containers clicking open and closed. I just couldn't go. I really needed to go, but I just couldn't. I tried flushing the toilet to make enough noise to do my business, but I just couldn't seem to go fast enough. After the second flush, I figured the woman had probably caught on to what I was doing, so I pulled up my pants and left the stall defeated.

As I washed my hands, I tried not to make eye contact. I turned toward the paper towels, put she was blocking the holder...I wasn't sure if I should dart out of the bathroom with wet hands or politely ask her to move. I decided to quietly whisper "excuse me" that I'm sure was barely audible to her.

After I dried my hands, I power walked out of the bathroom knowing I would have to return in a little bit in hopes that this time the bathroom would be empty.